My Cup Runneth Over

This weekend we took the MIL to shop for some new spring clothes and to take her for lunch.  I usually just pick up some clothes for her but since she has been in the home and not as active I wanted to make sure she tried on any kind of pants we'd buy.
 
We began the day by going to a couple of places that I have had luck in finding clothes that I know will fit.  We were going up and down the aisles and I would look around and she had wandered off.  Luckily it was early so there weren't many people in the store.  She would get so easily distracted which I had forgotten.  Anyway, at one point I asked a lady for some help and she looked at my MIL and said, "I know you, don't you remember me?  I used to work at the home and you would go out to smoke with me!" OH MY GOSH!!  Are you kidding me!  Even in a small town like where we live she runs into someone she knows...not me!  Never ceases to amaze me.....we don't provide her with cigarettes because of her health related issues.....

We went to a couple of different places looking for clothes and every time she would ask about her purse.  We got into the car and she asked if she brought her purse; we got to the store and she asked if she left her purse in the car; we went to the restaurant and she asked if she left her purse in the car, did I leave my purse at your house; etc.  This went on each and every time we entered and left a building or the car.

Okay, let me get to the coffee cups.  When we picked her up I wanted to look at her clothes again just to see what she might need.  I knew we wanted to get new tops and capri pants but wasn't sure about undergarments or night gowns.  She has a four drawer dresser and a two drawer night stand that she ends up keeping her things in.  We have tried hanging things in her closet but she just can't seem to "sort" the clothes to find what she can wear.  I assume that is because of the decision making skills needed to do that and she just can't do it anymore. 

I opened the drawers and the first drawer was half full with coffee cups stuffed with various items.  The second drawer was full of coffee cups stuffed with various items like sweet and low, sugar, etc.  The third and fourth drawer were full of coffee cups stuffed with various items!  What the heck!  She did this at our house when she lived with us.  She would take cups and fill them with sugar and stick in her night stand.  We never did figure out why. But the number of cups we counted exceeded 20.

We were gone for maybe 3-4 hours and I think the sadness thing was when we were taking her back.  We drove in front of the home and made the turn back into the parking lot.  As we are driving in front, she says I think I've stayed there.  My husband says yes, that is where you stay.  She says, I don't stay there now, I don't have a room there....do I?  He says yes, she says well I don't know where it is.  How can in three hours this disease remove your memory of a place you stay at 24 hours a day?  And three hours ago you left from there?  I don't understand what is happening in the mind.

When got her back to her room we told her we would take her new clothes home, wash them, and return them the next day. 

Sunday, we went back to the home with her freshly washed clothes and found her in her room.  Yesterday she was very happy and excited to see us.  She did not remember that we had gone shopping the day before or that we had even been there.

Today she was happy to see us but when we started moving cups out of the drawers to make room for the clothes she got very agitated.  My husband, in his ever sensitive way, asked her why she needed all those cups.  She said, very childlike, because I do.  I told her we were just moving them around so we could organize her clothes so she could find them and she relaxed a bit. But, as I began to return the cups to the drawers I made a discovery that I wasn't expecting.  In several of the cups she had placed her underwear.  I won't go into whether they were clean or not.  I had to laugh because in some ways she was organizing herself.


This week we have her care plan meeting and these are the items to talk about.  I'm afraid she is going to need more help with the daily living things like bathing, personal hygiene, and dressing herself.  She can convince you that she is doing these things but it's apparent she isn't or isn't doing it well. I will continue to say....this disease is so cruel!

7 Cups from one drawer!

Life Over the Hill Lately

Wow, where does the time go!  I realize that I have not posted to this blog since 2014!  A lot of life can happen in three years!  So it's time to play catch-up:

My MIL has been living in the a home since September 2011 and I can't believe it has been almost five years.  I am happy to tell you that she is doing great! I realize that seems odd to say but she is able to function as her own person without feeling like someone is telling her what to do.  For her, that is huge---independence is a very important core value for her.

Her social worker will contact us to check in from time to time or to schedule care plans and more times than not to introduce themselves to us because they are new.  (Downside is there is so much turnover in these facilities!)  Every time we ask how their interaction is with the MIL, they always say "we love her....she is so nice.....friendly, etc."!  When we visit, the nurses will pop in and ask if she is going to come have coffee, etc!  It's the funniest thing----you would think she worked there.

When the facility recently sold to a new company, they asked my husband if they could move her to a new wing with more "highly functioning" people and after visiting further agreed it might be okay to try.  She really didn't fit in with the patients on the Alzheimer's floor who had limited functionality and some were confined to their bed.  Shortly after moving her, we went to visit and realized they had moved her by a door (unlocked) and we said that wasn't a good idea.  They told us they had placed a Wandergard on her ankle and would know if she tried to exit the building. Well, they obviously didn't know who they were dealing with.  She would march right up to the nurses desk, ask for scissors, and cut that bracelet off her ankle on about three different occasions.  After they complained to us about it and we promptly reminded them we were not in agreeance with her placement, they moved her!  She kept telling us she didn't know who kept putting that bracelet on her but it wasn't hers so she cut it off!

On another occasion, we found her in the dining hall with three other ladies and went in.  She jumps up and begins to introduce us......"Suzie, this is my son and his wife....."; response from Suzie, "my names not Suzie!".....this goes on through three introductions.  Her response, she grins, chuckles, and walks off.

It's hard to watch her when she seems so "normal" and you just want to move her back home until you are reminded how cruel the disease is.  This Christmas was another one of those occasions when you are reminded that she is not how she used to be.

My husband went to pick her up so she could spend the day with us while I continued to get lunch ready.  We learned over the years that its easier for us to open presents with her by herself because she gets so confused by a holiday that she loved so much.  I could tell this year was going to be a little different.  Before everyone arrived for Christmas lunch my husband returned with his mom and I could tell the drive over must have been a little tricky.  She came in the kitchen asking if she could help and I responded with the usual, "no we are good...just have a seat", etc.  She walked into the living room, saw the tree, and came rushing into the kitchen in a panic----"I can't believe I walked out of my house and left your presents under the tree....I guess I'll have to mail them"; next version after going back into the living room, "I guess I walked out without ya'lls presents and left them on my bed....I can't believe I did that".  This went on for about six to ten different versions of how she forget to bring presents.  It was the saddest thing.  Nothing we could say could get her mind off of it.

But the saddest thing she said to me was her response to a question.  My husband had told me when they came in that she was way off today but couldn't really explain why he said that.  I asked her how she had been doing and if she had heard from anyone (meaning Christmas card in the mail, etc.) and she said, "well I guess this is going to be the first Christmas Mother & Daddy are going to be by themselves" and of course I just nodded and went on.  Her parents have both been deceased for many years.

She had lunch with us but immediately began to get antsy.  She started walking upstairs and when asked where she was going she said to her room.  When my husband took her back to the home she went through the whole, who lives here? where are we going?  I don't live here, etc. She doesn't know where her room is, etc.  Why does this disease do this to someone?  It just doesn't seem fair.