Day 56: Yesterday my husband took his mom to get her hair done. This is one of the things I feel very strongly about! As a woman, no matter what is going on in life we still want to look good. It always amazes me that when she gets her hair done she just has a kick in her step!
I got home from work and complimented her on her hair. She beamed like a little kid. She smiled, patted her hair, and said thank you. All night she just seemed in a better mood. She sat up with us and watched the new season premiere of "The Hills" with her granddaughter. She offered to mend a new outfit that my daughter had ordered from Fossil online. The straps were too long and my MIL jumped up and said, "oh, that would be easy to fix----I can do that." My daughter grinned and said, "okay, good!" It's little things like this that I know make her feel good and like she has a place.
Later that night a friend of hers called my husband to say they were coming through town today on their way to New Mexico. They want to stop by and see her. We all agreed not to tell her but to surprise her today. I can't wait for her to see her dear high school friend.
Yesterday and today will be good days!
Life is good over the hill!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Testing, maybe it will tell me if I'm Crazy
Day 54: Today was a significant day and a day we have worked to get to since 2006.
My MIL met with a neurologist for a full day of testing. The significance of this day is huge! In 2008, my husband accompanied my MIL to an appointment with a neurologist in Houston. An hour and 1/2 into the testing she refused to continue and wanted to leave. After much persuasion by the neurologist and my husband, she refused to answer any more questions telling them both that the test was stupid.
Therefore, the fact that she was able to complete a full day of testing today was quite a step in the right direction. She spent two hours in the morning and three hours in the afternoon answering questions-- some easy and some very difficult according to the test administrator.
The doctor's office told my husband that he would have to attend and be prepared to answer questions during the intake. This was very difficult and you could tell it made my MIL very uncomfortable to hear the test administrator ask her questions and then ask us the same question----the answers were always very different. Halfway through the intake he would ask her a question and she would look to her son and ask him the question.
Towards the end of the intake you began to see a glimpse of a very sad and defeated woman. The administrator asked her three questions----what are your strengths? weaknesses? and goals. Her response to the strengths was, "I don't have any". Her response to weaknesses was, "I have many---I can't spell". Her answer to the last question was the saddest of all. It was a glimmer of how important something so simple as freedom is when life strips you of everything. She said, "my goal is to be able to live by myself and be able to take care of myself".
I sat there with tears in my eyes watching a woman I used to think of as extremely strong willed with tears rolling down her face. She wants so desperately to hang onto her independence and freedom even when she knows it is slipping away from her. A professional who used to control everything in her life realizing she can no longer control her memory loss, confusion, and the fact that dementia is robbing her of living a normal life.
Our pastor told my husband a few weeks ago that he was praying for us as we deal with this new chapter in our life. But, he said he would pray that God would do something amazing through this experience. Today I think I may have seen God's work firsthand. He is showing us the pain and fear that she feels and how we have to try to understand how difficult that is-----it's not about just about "where is she going to live" but more about how can we help her maintain her self-respect, dignity, and retain some sense of independence and freedom.
After today the Lord has opened my eyes, he is going to do something amazing for her as well as us. On the ride home she was asking when we would get the test results and she just hoped they would tell us to go ahead and put her in a nursing home or better yet Rusk. I asked her what Rusk was and she said it was an insane asylum (I don't even know if they have these anymore!). I tried to humor her and say now you still have a lot of life to live---for example, you have granddaughters that will get married and you want to be around for that! She mumbled something about it being better if she wasn't there. For in her eyes, her life is over.
We have an even bigger challenge ahead of us in convincing her that she can still have a full life and enjoy those around her. This is where God comes in-----he is going to do something amazing and we may be surprised to see what amazing miracle that he can pull off------God is GOOD!! Life is good over the hill.
My MIL met with a neurologist for a full day of testing. The significance of this day is huge! In 2008, my husband accompanied my MIL to an appointment with a neurologist in Houston. An hour and 1/2 into the testing she refused to continue and wanted to leave. After much persuasion by the neurologist and my husband, she refused to answer any more questions telling them both that the test was stupid.
Therefore, the fact that she was able to complete a full day of testing today was quite a step in the right direction. She spent two hours in the morning and three hours in the afternoon answering questions-- some easy and some very difficult according to the test administrator.
The doctor's office told my husband that he would have to attend and be prepared to answer questions during the intake. This was very difficult and you could tell it made my MIL very uncomfortable to hear the test administrator ask her questions and then ask us the same question----the answers were always very different. Halfway through the intake he would ask her a question and she would look to her son and ask him the question.
Towards the end of the intake you began to see a glimpse of a very sad and defeated woman. The administrator asked her three questions----what are your strengths? weaknesses? and goals. Her response to the strengths was, "I don't have any". Her response to weaknesses was, "I have many---I can't spell". Her answer to the last question was the saddest of all. It was a glimmer of how important something so simple as freedom is when life strips you of everything. She said, "my goal is to be able to live by myself and be able to take care of myself".
I sat there with tears in my eyes watching a woman I used to think of as extremely strong willed with tears rolling down her face. She wants so desperately to hang onto her independence and freedom even when she knows it is slipping away from her. A professional who used to control everything in her life realizing she can no longer control her memory loss, confusion, and the fact that dementia is robbing her of living a normal life.
Our pastor told my husband a few weeks ago that he was praying for us as we deal with this new chapter in our life. But, he said he would pray that God would do something amazing through this experience. Today I think I may have seen God's work firsthand. He is showing us the pain and fear that she feels and how we have to try to understand how difficult that is-----it's not about just about "where is she going to live" but more about how can we help her maintain her self-respect, dignity, and retain some sense of independence and freedom.
After today the Lord has opened my eyes, he is going to do something amazing for her as well as us. On the ride home she was asking when we would get the test results and she just hoped they would tell us to go ahead and put her in a nursing home or better yet Rusk. I asked her what Rusk was and she said it was an insane asylum (I don't even know if they have these anymore!). I tried to humor her and say now you still have a lot of life to live---for example, you have granddaughters that will get married and you want to be around for that! She mumbled something about it being better if she wasn't there. For in her eyes, her life is over.
We have an even bigger challenge ahead of us in convincing her that she can still have a full life and enjoy those around her. This is where God comes in-----he is going to do something amazing and we may be surprised to see what amazing miracle that he can pull off------God is GOOD!! Life is good over the hill.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Life is a Bowl of Cheerios
Day 51: Before my MIL moved in the same town as we are, we were not aware of her living/eating habits. As her condition worsened she began to get confused about taking meds and would not remember to eat. This would always mean that we would get a call that she was in the hospital.
For the last 51 days I have not worried about whether or not she is eating. She is about to eat us out of house and home! Her appetite is very healthy and the better part of this is that she is eating much healthier because we are preparing her meals.
Hydration: This has been a very big deal. Several times when she got ill before and went to the doctor she was dehydrated. For the past 2 1/2 years while living in an assisted living facility, she has been dehydrated on more than one occasion. When you ask her if she is drinking water, she says I drink it everyday. When in fact she probably hasn't drank any water for a long period of time.
Headaches: As a result of intentionally getting her to drink water she has not complained of headaches nearly as much. As long as I have been in the family she has complained of headaches and I am convinced it was because she was dehydrated.
Milk: Another condition she suffers from is Osteoporosis. So, she thinks she should drink milk at every moment. I am the only one in my family who really drinks milk and that is usually for breakfast only. My husband and oldest daughter do not drink it at all and my youngest daughter is lactose intolerant. My MIL is drinking about two gallons of milk a week by HERSELF! Unbelievable!
We thought she was just drinking it but after a couple of days at home we watched her eat about 5 bowls of cereal a day. We couldn't figure out why we were running out of cereal so fast until we were sitting in the kitchen working on something and noticed that she was eating one bowl of cereal, left the room, and returned an hour later to fix another bowl. This went on several times----and she ate the whole bowl. Now, we know why we were going through two gallons of milk a week and several boxes of cereal a week!
Backache: This has been a very interesting observation. For several years when she lived alone she spent thousands of dollars on treatment for her back---from injections to "as seen on TV" gimmicks that were sure to heal her back. She saw several different doctors, had back surgery, and wanted another surgery for her back but the doctors refused to do it because "she was not a candidate for surgery". When she came to live at the assisted living facility, the back was always the source of "I can't do this or that because of my back" or numerous calls were made to my husband "needing something for her back". But, since she has been living with us she has not complained once about her back hurting. Occasionally she will say she is tired and want to lay down but she has been more active--getting out, walking, and moving around more than she was before.
Overall, her health seems to be improving and her outlook on life has definitely been more positive and much more like her old self.
For the last 51 days I have not worried about whether or not she is eating. She is about to eat us out of house and home! Her appetite is very healthy and the better part of this is that she is eating much healthier because we are preparing her meals.
Hydration: This has been a very big deal. Several times when she got ill before and went to the doctor she was dehydrated. For the past 2 1/2 years while living in an assisted living facility, she has been dehydrated on more than one occasion. When you ask her if she is drinking water, she says I drink it everyday. When in fact she probably hasn't drank any water for a long period of time.
Headaches: As a result of intentionally getting her to drink water she has not complained of headaches nearly as much. As long as I have been in the family she has complained of headaches and I am convinced it was because she was dehydrated.
Milk: Another condition she suffers from is Osteoporosis. So, she thinks she should drink milk at every moment. I am the only one in my family who really drinks milk and that is usually for breakfast only. My husband and oldest daughter do not drink it at all and my youngest daughter is lactose intolerant. My MIL is drinking about two gallons of milk a week by HERSELF! Unbelievable!
We thought she was just drinking it but after a couple of days at home we watched her eat about 5 bowls of cereal a day. We couldn't figure out why we were running out of cereal so fast until we were sitting in the kitchen working on something and noticed that she was eating one bowl of cereal, left the room, and returned an hour later to fix another bowl. This went on several times----and she ate the whole bowl. Now, we know why we were going through two gallons of milk a week and several boxes of cereal a week!
Backache: This has been a very interesting observation. For several years when she lived alone she spent thousands of dollars on treatment for her back---from injections to "as seen on TV" gimmicks that were sure to heal her back. She saw several different doctors, had back surgery, and wanted another surgery for her back but the doctors refused to do it because "she was not a candidate for surgery". When she came to live at the assisted living facility, the back was always the source of "I can't do this or that because of my back" or numerous calls were made to my husband "needing something for her back". But, since she has been living with us she has not complained once about her back hurting. Occasionally she will say she is tired and want to lay down but she has been more active--getting out, walking, and moving around more than she was before.
Overall, her health seems to be improving and her outlook on life has definitely been more positive and much more like her old self.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Gone in 60 Seconds
I think that is the name of a movie that I've seen but after this weekend it seems appropriate.
My weekend started off at 5:15pm when I walked into my kitchen to my husband trying to explain to his mom why she couldn't live alone anymore. For those who do not know her, she has a very strong will and in her younger years was very much an independent working woman for most of her life. Losing control is not something she would ever knowingly let happen. This has also been to her demise.
With her current state of mind, for all intense purposes, she has lost all control in so many different ways. Her finances were the first to go and is also a big part of judgment and decision making that is affected by person's diagnosed with FTD. My advice to anyone in this position is to step in and step in often.
Okay, back to the conversation I encountered. My husband was trying to explain to her the current state of her financial situation that has been deeply affected by her poor judgment when it came to managing her money. Here is one example of the conversation:
MIL, asking about her current finances.
My husband's response, "well, you purchased 37 wrinkle removal kits from as seen on TV----all of which remained unopened when we found them three years ago."
MIL, "I didn't buy those."
My husband's response, "well, mother, you may not have intended to buy 37 but with the disease doctor's have told us that it is very common for you to watch TV, see an ad, place an order, see the ad again in a few minutes, and order it again. You can't help it because you don't remember you just ordered it." Shame on the company for not catching it either and just taking her money!
This conversation continued in many different formats while we prepared dinner. We sat down to eat and about 15 minutes later we went in the living room to watch the news. Mind you, it has been no more than 15 minutes since my husband had his conversation with his mom. She turned and looked at my husband and said, "did you sell my house?" This topic had also been discussed and the questions flooded out again.
So many people have taken advantage of her from the lawn mowing guy taking a check written for $500 instead of $50 to her multiple purchases of items from "as seen on TV". These are the things that you can't begin to know about if you are eight hours away and your family member does a good job of hiding it. Not to mention the friends who create a co-dependent circle of cover up-----thinking they are helping. That is the topic for another blog on another day!
Day 47 and things are slowly "GONE IN 60 SECONDS"! Life is good over the hill!
My weekend started off at 5:15pm when I walked into my kitchen to my husband trying to explain to his mom why she couldn't live alone anymore. For those who do not know her, she has a very strong will and in her younger years was very much an independent working woman for most of her life. Losing control is not something she would ever knowingly let happen. This has also been to her demise.
With her current state of mind, for all intense purposes, she has lost all control in so many different ways. Her finances were the first to go and is also a big part of judgment and decision making that is affected by person's diagnosed with FTD. My advice to anyone in this position is to step in and step in often.
Okay, back to the conversation I encountered. My husband was trying to explain to her the current state of her financial situation that has been deeply affected by her poor judgment when it came to managing her money. Here is one example of the conversation:
MIL, asking about her current finances.
My husband's response, "well, you purchased 37 wrinkle removal kits from as seen on TV----all of which remained unopened when we found them three years ago."
MIL, "I didn't buy those."
My husband's response, "well, mother, you may not have intended to buy 37 but with the disease doctor's have told us that it is very common for you to watch TV, see an ad, place an order, see the ad again in a few minutes, and order it again. You can't help it because you don't remember you just ordered it." Shame on the company for not catching it either and just taking her money!
This conversation continued in many different formats while we prepared dinner. We sat down to eat and about 15 minutes later we went in the living room to watch the news. Mind you, it has been no more than 15 minutes since my husband had his conversation with his mom. She turned and looked at my husband and said, "did you sell my house?" This topic had also been discussed and the questions flooded out again.
So many people have taken advantage of her from the lawn mowing guy taking a check written for $500 instead of $50 to her multiple purchases of items from "as seen on TV". These are the things that you can't begin to know about if you are eight hours away and your family member does a good job of hiding it. Not to mention the friends who create a co-dependent circle of cover up-----thinking they are helping. That is the topic for another blog on another day!
Day 47 and things are slowly "GONE IN 60 SECONDS"! Life is good over the hill!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Containment----Getting on the Bus
The most difficult challenge in dealing with my MIL is the fact that this disease strikes so young. You look at her and physically she looks like every other 70 year old. So to those who encounter her they think she is an older woman who is physically still capable and nothing is wrong with her.
Off and on, my MIL will tell us that she needs to get back to Sugar Land to check on her house. (She hasn't owned her home in three years.) She told my husband that she had called the bus station and they had a bus that goes to Sugarland. She will do this over and over. We are afraid that she will call the taxi company to come get her---which she has tried.
When she lived in the retirement home, she convinced other residents who had a car that she needed to go to Sugarland to check on her house and would pay them for their gas if they would take her. After a while the residents realized that something wasn't right but at first they thought she had all her wits about her.
It is another coping mechanism---she doesn't want anyone to know that there is something wrong with her and feels if she can isolate herself or return to a place where she is "safe" that no one will know she is declining.
Off and on, my MIL will tell us that she needs to get back to Sugar Land to check on her house. (She hasn't owned her home in three years.) She told my husband that she had called the bus station and they had a bus that goes to Sugarland. She will do this over and over. We are afraid that she will call the taxi company to come get her---which she has tried.
When she lived in the retirement home, she convinced other residents who had a car that she needed to go to Sugarland to check on her house and would pay them for their gas if they would take her. After a while the residents realized that something wasn't right but at first they thought she had all her wits about her.
It is another coping mechanism---she doesn't want anyone to know that there is something wrong with her and feels if she can isolate herself or return to a place where she is "safe" that no one will know she is declining.
Time
Day 42: 42 days and 42 nights.
Time for the last 42 days has been an interesting element to the day in the life of. My MIL obviously has no concept of time or what day it is so here are some observations in the last few days:
1. Work days- she knows when it is a work day because my husband and I get up, get dressed, and leave for work.
2. Weekends- she knows its a weekend because my husband and I get up, clean house, but don't leave. She always wants to know if it is church day.
3. School days- if my teenage daughter is still in bed she knows its the weekend; if she is gone during the day she knows it is a school day.
4. Time- she wears a watch everyday and looks at it all day long. She will eat breakfast first thing in the morning, eat a bowl of cereal again at 10am, eat lunch when someone is eating, and eat dinner when we eat but most meals are accompanied by, "oh, I'm not hungry or oh, I just ate" and then she will eat anyway.
5. Meal Time- last night my husband, my MIL, and I sat at the kitchen table and ate hamburgers we fixed on
the grill. My MIL sat across from my husband and watched him eat. He finished his hamburger got up from the table and went to the island to eat one of the hamburger patties that was left. My MIL said, "David, aren't your going to eat?" He said he had eaten and was going to eat the last pattie by itself with ketchup. As he was sitting back down at the table, she said, "Is that all you are going to eat?" She did not remember him eating or asking him about eating. This took place within about 30 seconds.
6. Home from Work- two days ago I came home to my MIL sitting in the living room watching TV. She asked how my day was at work and I responded fine. I went on into my bedroom to change clothes and returned to the kitchen to begin supper. My husband was outside and she had gone outside with him. When she returned she came back into the kitchen and as if she hadn't seen me said, "Oh, how was your day at work?"
Time has left her in regards to knowing what time it is and what you do when but she has learned to pay attention to what others are doing and that is her cue. Last night she asked out of the blue, "what day is it?"
I can't imagine what that must feel like. I am driven by schedules, deadlines, events that are coming up, calendars, and such that I can't imagine how lost she must feel going through the day not knowing if it is Fall, Spring, late or early in the day. I know we all look forward to the day when we can retire and do whatever we want to do when but won't we still be bound by TIME. In the world of a person with FTD, Time is irrelevant but routines for her and others around her can be very important.
Time for the last 42 days has been an interesting element to the day in the life of. My MIL obviously has no concept of time or what day it is so here are some observations in the last few days:
1. Work days- she knows when it is a work day because my husband and I get up, get dressed, and leave for work.
2. Weekends- she knows its a weekend because my husband and I get up, clean house, but don't leave. She always wants to know if it is church day.
3. School days- if my teenage daughter is still in bed she knows its the weekend; if she is gone during the day she knows it is a school day.
4. Time- she wears a watch everyday and looks at it all day long. She will eat breakfast first thing in the morning, eat a bowl of cereal again at 10am, eat lunch when someone is eating, and eat dinner when we eat but most meals are accompanied by, "oh, I'm not hungry or oh, I just ate" and then she will eat anyway.
5. Meal Time- last night my husband, my MIL, and I sat at the kitchen table and ate hamburgers we fixed on
the grill. My MIL sat across from my husband and watched him eat. He finished his hamburger got up from the table and went to the island to eat one of the hamburger patties that was left. My MIL said, "David, aren't your going to eat?" He said he had eaten and was going to eat the last pattie by itself with ketchup. As he was sitting back down at the table, she said, "Is that all you are going to eat?" She did not remember him eating or asking him about eating. This took place within about 30 seconds.
6. Home from Work- two days ago I came home to my MIL sitting in the living room watching TV. She asked how my day was at work and I responded fine. I went on into my bedroom to change clothes and returned to the kitchen to begin supper. My husband was outside and she had gone outside with him. When she returned she came back into the kitchen and as if she hadn't seen me said, "Oh, how was your day at work?"
Time has left her in regards to knowing what time it is and what you do when but she has learned to pay attention to what others are doing and that is her cue. Last night she asked out of the blue, "what day is it?"
I can't imagine what that must feel like. I am driven by schedules, deadlines, events that are coming up, calendars, and such that I can't imagine how lost she must feel going through the day not knowing if it is Fall, Spring, late or early in the day. I know we all look forward to the day when we can retire and do whatever we want to do when but won't we still be bound by TIME. In the world of a person with FTD, Time is irrelevant but routines for her and others around her can be very important.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Dressed to the Nines
Day 32-Well we survived getting everyone ready for Easter service. My husband and I left for Sunday school and left the girls to get their grandmother ready for church. When we left she was pacing back and forth from the bathroom to her bedroom trying to get her bath and decide if she had clothes to wear -----because it is Sunday isn't it?
My husband and I were sitting in church waiting for them to get there. I looked up and saw my oldest daughter and her grandmother right behind her. It was great---she had on her new outfit and looked very stylish. She was smiling behind her big black sunglasses and seemed to be thrilled she was in the company of her two granddaughters. The only hiccup the girls had in getting her ready was getting her to button up her jacket---she wouldn't though. We decided she was worried about her "hump" showing so if it was unbuttoned she felt better.
For the first time in a while, she seemed very comfortable at church. The last time she attended with us she slept or at least nodded off and seemed very antsy. Today she took communion whereas the last time she said her back hurt too much for her to stand up. She sang and said the Lord's prayer ---quite loudly at one point that my daughter got a little tickled.
It was a good day. Quality of life can be obtained even when you have FTD.
My husband and I were sitting in church waiting for them to get there. I looked up and saw my oldest daughter and her grandmother right behind her. It was great---she had on her new outfit and looked very stylish. She was smiling behind her big black sunglasses and seemed to be thrilled she was in the company of her two granddaughters. The only hiccup the girls had in getting her ready was getting her to button up her jacket---she wouldn't though. We decided she was worried about her "hump" showing so if it was unbuttoned she felt better.
For the first time in a while, she seemed very comfortable at church. The last time she attended with us she slept or at least nodded off and seemed very antsy. Today she took communion whereas the last time she said her back hurt too much for her to stand up. She sang and said the Lord's prayer ---quite loudly at one point that my daughter got a little tickled.
It was a good day. Quality of life can be obtained even when you have FTD.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Easter Bunny is Coming
Yesterday we took my MIL shopping for a new Easter outfit. Wow, it has been a while since I took my 18 & 22 year old shopping for an Easter dress----they have finally reached the age where they prefer shopping on their own. Now, please keep in mind that I am not a big shopper myself so shopping is a chore just about anyway you slice or dice it for me!
It took two hours to convince my MIL that we were going to look for her something to wear and buy some new shoes. She kept coming downstairs asking if there was anything that she could do (I was mopping the kitchen floor) and I said no, just go get your bath and get ready. Where are we going, she asked? I would explain it again. Her response, I don't need anything surely I have some clothes at home I can wear. Then you explain that she probably needs something new and off she would go. Back upstairs to wonder around back and forth from her bedroom to the bathroom. A few minutes later her she came back downstairs again to see if there was anything she could do. This went on for about two hours.
By the time we were ready to go she hadn't even taken a bath. My husband went to check on her and told her she needed to get ready. We never really know for sure what she does when she is in the bathroom but we can see signs of hygiene---deodorant, toothbrush wet, etc.
Off to The Mall---what an experience. We went to Dillards, The Shoe Department, Bealls, and J.C.Penneys to look for her something to wear. We were lucky that the first store we went to we found something that fit and looked good on her. She was very anxious about buying and kept asking why she needed that because she probably had something at home she could wear. So, one task down and one to go.
Shoes----oh, my ,oh, my!! This was very difficult. I knew she always had trouble finding shoes narrow enough for her to wear but I didn't realize that most of the stores now only carry medium widths and don't even carry many narrow sizes. This really upset her when every store we went into told us they didn't carry narrows. After getting quite frustrated she said well I will just wear the shoes I have on. We would say, no, we will find you some that are black; she would say, these are black, we would say, no, they are blue; she would say, but the sales guy sold them to me black; no response. Then she would say, I will just polish them black and wear them. This went on over and over and over. We did find a pair at Dillards that were black and did fit her---probably not to her standard but they looked good and were new. Making a decision and eliminating choices was very challenging at best for her.
But when we got home she did seem excited to have a new outfit. It's one thing to have dementia and not really know what is going on at all times but it is quite another thing to still have some pride and human dignity---this is for sure for a person who always cared very much about how she looked. It was a long adventure but it was worth it.
It took two hours to convince my MIL that we were going to look for her something to wear and buy some new shoes. She kept coming downstairs asking if there was anything that she could do (I was mopping the kitchen floor) and I said no, just go get your bath and get ready. Where are we going, she asked? I would explain it again. Her response, I don't need anything surely I have some clothes at home I can wear. Then you explain that she probably needs something new and off she would go. Back upstairs to wonder around back and forth from her bedroom to the bathroom. A few minutes later her she came back downstairs again to see if there was anything she could do. This went on for about two hours.
By the time we were ready to go she hadn't even taken a bath. My husband went to check on her and told her she needed to get ready. We never really know for sure what she does when she is in the bathroom but we can see signs of hygiene---deodorant, toothbrush wet, etc.
Off to The Mall---what an experience. We went to Dillards, The Shoe Department, Bealls, and J.C.Penneys to look for her something to wear. We were lucky that the first store we went to we found something that fit and looked good on her. She was very anxious about buying and kept asking why she needed that because she probably had something at home she could wear. So, one task down and one to go.
Shoes----oh, my ,oh, my!! This was very difficult. I knew she always had trouble finding shoes narrow enough for her to wear but I didn't realize that most of the stores now only carry medium widths and don't even carry many narrow sizes. This really upset her when every store we went into told us they didn't carry narrows. After getting quite frustrated she said well I will just wear the shoes I have on. We would say, no, we will find you some that are black; she would say, these are black, we would say, no, they are blue; she would say, but the sales guy sold them to me black; no response. Then she would say, I will just polish them black and wear them. This went on over and over and over. We did find a pair at Dillards that were black and did fit her---probably not to her standard but they looked good and were new. Making a decision and eliminating choices was very challenging at best for her.
But when we got home she did seem excited to have a new outfit. It's one thing to have dementia and not really know what is going on at all times but it is quite another thing to still have some pride and human dignity---this is for sure for a person who always cared very much about how she looked. It was a long adventure but it was worth it.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April Fools---Really?
I have never really understood the real reason for having April Fools Day. In my forty-eight years on earth I have "celebrated" April Fools Day one time. I exploited my then 5 and 9 year old daughters into calling their grandparents to tell them they were home alone and didn't know where their parents were! Of course, they came running over, luckily just a five minute drive, and we April Fooled them! Fortunately they had a good sense of humor and were glad to come over and visit and to see their granddaughters.
But I have been April Fooled now two years----momentous days---April 1, 2007 and now April 1, 2010. I won't go into a lot of detail but I know that God has his hands on our life and I have to trust that. Both of these days signified a substantial change in our family, our finances, and our future----three "F's" every three years. We all know what has been going on with Obamacare and having a husband who works in the medical industry we all know that eventually your livelihood is affected. As an academician, it is hard for me to always understand how hard some of these recent changes in health-care are affecting many industries. Once again, my husband finds himself being laid-off due to the changes going on in that industry.
As someone who always sees the glass half full, I know that you can always take something bad and find something good and I will hold on to that. As for my husband, I know he will take this and turn it into something positive as well. What's different----the added stress-or of the MIL and I know that will weigh heavy on his mind and his heart as he makes decisions about his/our future. Let me give you my definition of the Sandwich Generation for today: Feels like a Panini, we (parents)are stuck between two pieces of bread (children & MIL) smushed between the sandwich maker; open it up and see the burned spots and lines running through the bread. Gives our sandwich character, right? Still tastes good doesn't it.
There are so many questions you find yourself asking God during tough times. The usual why me, why us, are we being punished, the typical whoa is me but that will only get you so far down the road. Today the Air One scripture is,"Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God for his own sins!" Isaiah 53:4, NLT
When I read that this morning, I knew that scripture was for us----even we thought Jesus was being punished for being nailed on the cross but it was SOOO much bigger than that and punishment had nothing to do with it----thank goodness.
April Fools----really? I know I'm not a fool because I have a God who loves me unconditionally and as his scripture says, Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:25-27
But I have been April Fooled now two years----momentous days---April 1, 2007 and now April 1, 2010. I won't go into a lot of detail but I know that God has his hands on our life and I have to trust that. Both of these days signified a substantial change in our family, our finances, and our future----three "F's" every three years. We all know what has been going on with Obamacare and having a husband who works in the medical industry we all know that eventually your livelihood is affected. As an academician, it is hard for me to always understand how hard some of these recent changes in health-care are affecting many industries. Once again, my husband finds himself being laid-off due to the changes going on in that industry.
As someone who always sees the glass half full, I know that you can always take something bad and find something good and I will hold on to that. As for my husband, I know he will take this and turn it into something positive as well. What's different----the added stress-or of the MIL and I know that will weigh heavy on his mind and his heart as he makes decisions about his/our future. Let me give you my definition of the Sandwich Generation for today: Feels like a Panini, we (parents)are stuck between two pieces of bread (children & MIL) smushed between the sandwich maker; open it up and see the burned spots and lines running through the bread. Gives our sandwich character, right? Still tastes good doesn't it.
There are so many questions you find yourself asking God during tough times. The usual why me, why us, are we being punished, the typical whoa is me but that will only get you so far down the road. Today the Air One scripture is,"Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God for his own sins!" Isaiah 53:4, NLT
When I read that this morning, I knew that scripture was for us----even we thought Jesus was being punished for being nailed on the cross but it was SOOO much bigger than that and punishment had nothing to do with it----thank goodness.
April Fools----really? I know I'm not a fool because I have a God who loves me unconditionally and as his scripture says, Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:25-27
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