CRAFTS for HOLIDAY

We are so thankful for the care that my MIL gets.  She is in a home that the staff are so caring and just love her.  The environment is very personal with a small number of residents in each unit so she has a living space outside of her room with a TV.  There is another area furnished with couches and chairs that has windows all the way around it so they can see outside or if you aren't fighting COVID you could walk outside into a courtyard.

My favorite thing to see that they offer is the ongoing number of crafts they provide for the residents.  My MIL loves to do "crafts" and back in the day was quite the seamstress.  She would decorate for Christmas by making a lot of her own decorations before we had Pinterest and Etsy!

Here is a picture of her around Thanksgiving doing one of her crafts.  She is on the right:

COVID Crazy

The COVID19 pandemic still has a hold on us!  It has been like no other world event any of our generation has ever witnessed.  Since March it has been a roller-coaster of lock-downs and "cant's".

The saddest thing this pandemic has done is to isolate already isolated people.  My MIL is at a memory care home that has done a fantastic job of keeping their residents safe and healthy from this virus.  The sad part of that is they haven't allowed visitors unless you get tested (more recent strategy) or can demonstrate you have had the vaccine.

But from March up until November 2020 you were not allowed to visit or bring anything from the outside.  My MIL had a birthday in July and we couldn't take her present to her.  She got it in December.  We have been able to talk to her through a window while we are on a cell phone and she is on the home's phone.  In two separate visits we had out daughters and grandchildren go with us to see her.  We sat outside and tried to communicate with her through the glass window.  (not opened)  My MIL did not understand and could not connect the phone conversation with the people standing outside her window.

For the first time when we visited her in December she did not know our names.  She just could not recall them as she normally does.  She called my husband her son and referred to me as his wife.  It was very hard to hear and see that.

Our daughters went with us in December so we could take her presents and sat with us on the proverbial bench to talk to her.  My MIL can be quite funny and of course the confusion she was having caused her to say some of her classic lines.  This would get her granddaughters to laughing and the laughs would turn into tears.  That pretty much sums it up---you have to laugh to keep from crying when you see how her mind is slipping further and further away.

When we left our daughters told us that was cruel to do that kind of a visit with someone suffering from Alzheimer's and urged that we think that through before doing it again. We are hopeful that in 2021 we will turn the corner on the virus and return to face to face visits.  They need that human interaction---we all do!

Tell Those Sick People to Go Home

March 2020 who would have ever thought we would have a pandemic that literally shut down the country!  I can't say it's anything any of us could have ever predicted.

I remember it was around March 8th when we got a phone call from the facility telling us that we could not visit my MIL as they were "locking down" the home due to COVID-19.  They told us we could face time her or call her but they were not allowing visitors.  The difficulty for us is that my MIL doesn't understand the technology.  It's difficult to keep her attention long enough for a call or to even sit still long enough for the call.

Mother's day we went to see her and asked if the nurses would allow her to come outside in the courtyard.  We stood on the other side of the fence which we could see through and talked to her.  She tried to climb the fence to come on our side and did not understand that we had to maintain proper social distance of six feet.  She kept asking us if we were going to come in to visit and when we told her we couldn't she kept asking why.  We would explain that we didn't want to get anyone sick due to the Corona virus and she said "well, all those sick people can just go home."

The nursing home tested all the residents and thank goodness no one tested positive.  Alzheimer's and a pandemic are a recipe for disaster.

How Old Am I?

Birthdays are my favorite!  I think you should have birthday weeks rather than birth "days".  My MIL turned 80 in 2019 and at this point in her disease the nursing home said its too hard for her to leave.  In the past we would take her out to eat and maybe do some shopping but the return back had gotten to be difficult.  

Christmas 2018 was the hardest.  My husband had picked her up and brought her to our house.  As emptynesters we moved from our home of 20 years to downsize in the Fall of 2018.  When we brought her for Christmas day, it totally threw her for a loop.  She did not understand where she was (Houston, Sugar Land, Frankston, Abilene, etc.) and she kept looking for her room.  It was the saddest thing to witness and of course, as soon as she ate lunch she was ready to go.

So, back to the Birthdays!  She turned 80 in July and we decided we would take her lunch, a cake and some balloons to celebrate her big birthday.  My parents who are the same age, but thankfully are in good health, were kind enough to join us.  My sister and her twins came as well.  My MIL kept asking whose birthday is it, how old am I, and making the comment that "oh, that is old" when we told her she was turning 80.  She was thrilled to have all the attention!

What's Been Going On

It's been three years since I have posted to the blog and I am truly shocked by that!  We've lived a lot of life since my last post so I will try to catch up.

In October 2018 my MIL took a fall and ended up breaking her wrist.  It was pretty bad.  We still aren't quite sure how it happened but got a call to meet her at the hospital.  At first they said it was a sprain so we spent several hours in the ER for them to wrap it up and send us on our way.  It wasn't long.....the next day.....that she re-injured it and this time we found out it was broken.

This is where it gets tricky.  It was a Friday afternoon that we met her in the ER again and the doctor said they were going to have to schedule her for surgery Saturday morning due to the severity of the break.  We sat in the ER with her for several hours while arrangements were being made and tried our best to answer her repeated questions about where was she, she wasn't sick, why can't she go home, etc.  It is the hardest thing to explain to a person who can't remember in the short term and truly does not know what is going on.

Saturday morning we got to the hospital very early for the surgery that lasted about an hour.  Thankfully she did fine with the anesthesia and the doctor said the surgery went well.  We were instructed to meet her in her room as they escorted her down a patient elevator.  We barely got off the elevator before we met her coming out of the patient elevator asking all kinds of questions and using her fingernail to try to pry the staples out of her arm.  She had unwrapped her bandage that was keeping her from bleeding and didn't understand why her arm was hurting.  This became a long journey of healing and explaining what was going on.

When we got her to her room and the nurses, thankfully one male who could handle her, were able to get her arm bandaged back up.  They gave her pain medicine which allowed her to fall asleep.  The nurses were beside themselves, as were we, about how difficult she was being ----she told one nurse "it was her arm and they couldn't tell her what to do".  It was at that point they communicated with the doctor that she was going to need to have someone sit with her 24/7 so that she would not hurt herself trying to figure out what was going on with the pain in her arm.

My husband and I stayed with her over the weekend and were able to get breaks with the sitters which was helpful.  I have always believed that something good can come of something bad.  We were disappointed because we had to cancel a weekend getaway with another couple when the MIL took the fall and was hospitalized.  For the first time, I had some real feelings of frustration and at one point had a little pity party.  It ended soon enough but it was still feelings that I didn't expect and I had to have a "little talk with myself" to put things in perspective.

So, you ask, what was the good that came of something bad.  In the midst of this hospital stay, the hospital staff saw quickly the current state that my MIL was in and communicated that message to the doctor.  We raised concerns with the medical team treating her about how she would return to the nursing home given her tendency to unwrap her bandages and pick at the staples.  The doctor said he was going to write orders for her to go to a rehabilitation facility and given her Alzheimer's would recommend another facility that could do both---the facility we had originally wanted her to go to but couldn't get her in.  We were quickly visited by a social worker from the facility who assured us she would be admitted and that she could transition from a "rehab patient" to a "resident" after 30 days.  I literally broke down and cried----this is the good that came of something bad!  Praise the Lord!

My Cup Runneth Over

This weekend we took the MIL to shop for some new spring clothes and to take her for lunch.  I usually just pick up some clothes for her but since she has been in the home and not as active I wanted to make sure she tried on any kind of pants we'd buy.
 
We began the day by going to a couple of places that I have had luck in finding clothes that I know will fit.  We were going up and down the aisles and I would look around and she had wandered off.  Luckily it was early so there weren't many people in the store.  She would get so easily distracted which I had forgotten.  Anyway, at one point I asked a lady for some help and she looked at my MIL and said, "I know you, don't you remember me?  I used to work at the home and you would go out to smoke with me!" OH MY GOSH!!  Are you kidding me!  Even in a small town like where we live she runs into someone she knows...not me!  Never ceases to amaze me.....we don't provide her with cigarettes because of her health related issues.....

We went to a couple of different places looking for clothes and every time she would ask about her purse.  We got into the car and she asked if she brought her purse; we got to the store and she asked if she left her purse in the car; we went to the restaurant and she asked if she left her purse in the car, did I leave my purse at your house; etc.  This went on each and every time we entered and left a building or the car.

Okay, let me get to the coffee cups.  When we picked her up I wanted to look at her clothes again just to see what she might need.  I knew we wanted to get new tops and capri pants but wasn't sure about undergarments or night gowns.  She has a four drawer dresser and a two drawer night stand that she ends up keeping her things in.  We have tried hanging things in her closet but she just can't seem to "sort" the clothes to find what she can wear.  I assume that is because of the decision making skills needed to do that and she just can't do it anymore. 

I opened the drawers and the first drawer was half full with coffee cups stuffed with various items.  The second drawer was full of coffee cups stuffed with various items like sweet and low, sugar, etc.  The third and fourth drawer were full of coffee cups stuffed with various items!  What the heck!  She did this at our house when she lived with us.  She would take cups and fill them with sugar and stick in her night stand.  We never did figure out why. But the number of cups we counted exceeded 20.

We were gone for maybe 3-4 hours and I think the sadness thing was when we were taking her back.  We drove in front of the home and made the turn back into the parking lot.  As we are driving in front, she says I think I've stayed there.  My husband says yes, that is where you stay.  She says, I don't stay there now, I don't have a room there....do I?  He says yes, she says well I don't know where it is.  How can in three hours this disease remove your memory of a place you stay at 24 hours a day?  And three hours ago you left from there?  I don't understand what is happening in the mind.

When got her back to her room we told her we would take her new clothes home, wash them, and return them the next day. 

Sunday, we went back to the home with her freshly washed clothes and found her in her room.  Yesterday she was very happy and excited to see us.  She did not remember that we had gone shopping the day before or that we had even been there.

Today she was happy to see us but when we started moving cups out of the drawers to make room for the clothes she got very agitated.  My husband, in his ever sensitive way, asked her why she needed all those cups.  She said, very childlike, because I do.  I told her we were just moving them around so we could organize her clothes so she could find them and she relaxed a bit. But, as I began to return the cups to the drawers I made a discovery that I wasn't expecting.  In several of the cups she had placed her underwear.  I won't go into whether they were clean or not.  I had to laugh because in some ways she was organizing herself.


This week we have her care plan meeting and these are the items to talk about.  I'm afraid she is going to need more help with the daily living things like bathing, personal hygiene, and dressing herself.  She can convince you that she is doing these things but it's apparent she isn't or isn't doing it well. I will continue to say....this disease is so cruel!

7 Cups from one drawer!

Life Over the Hill Lately

Wow, where does the time go!  I realize that I have not posted to this blog since 2014!  A lot of life can happen in three years!  So it's time to play catch-up:

My MIL has been living in the a home since September 2011 and I can't believe it has been almost five years.  I am happy to tell you that she is doing great! I realize that seems odd to say but she is able to function as her own person without feeling like someone is telling her what to do.  For her, that is huge---independence is a very important core value for her.

Her social worker will contact us to check in from time to time or to schedule care plans and more times than not to introduce themselves to us because they are new.  (Downside is there is so much turnover in these facilities!)  Every time we ask how their interaction is with the MIL, they always say "we love her....she is so nice.....friendly, etc."!  When we visit, the nurses will pop in and ask if she is going to come have coffee, etc!  It's the funniest thing----you would think she worked there.

When the facility recently sold to a new company, they asked my husband if they could move her to a new wing with more "highly functioning" people and after visiting further agreed it might be okay to try.  She really didn't fit in with the patients on the Alzheimer's floor who had limited functionality and some were confined to their bed.  Shortly after moving her, we went to visit and realized they had moved her by a door (unlocked) and we said that wasn't a good idea.  They told us they had placed a Wandergard on her ankle and would know if she tried to exit the building. Well, they obviously didn't know who they were dealing with.  She would march right up to the nurses desk, ask for scissors, and cut that bracelet off her ankle on about three different occasions.  After they complained to us about it and we promptly reminded them we were not in agreeance with her placement, they moved her!  She kept telling us she didn't know who kept putting that bracelet on her but it wasn't hers so she cut it off!

On another occasion, we found her in the dining hall with three other ladies and went in.  She jumps up and begins to introduce us......"Suzie, this is my son and his wife....."; response from Suzie, "my names not Suzie!".....this goes on through three introductions.  Her response, she grins, chuckles, and walks off.

It's hard to watch her when she seems so "normal" and you just want to move her back home until you are reminded how cruel the disease is.  This Christmas was another one of those occasions when you are reminded that she is not how she used to be.

My husband went to pick her up so she could spend the day with us while I continued to get lunch ready.  We learned over the years that its easier for us to open presents with her by herself because she gets so confused by a holiday that she loved so much.  I could tell this year was going to be a little different.  Before everyone arrived for Christmas lunch my husband returned with his mom and I could tell the drive over must have been a little tricky.  She came in the kitchen asking if she could help and I responded with the usual, "no we are good...just have a seat", etc.  She walked into the living room, saw the tree, and came rushing into the kitchen in a panic----"I can't believe I walked out of my house and left your presents under the tree....I guess I'll have to mail them"; next version after going back into the living room, "I guess I walked out without ya'lls presents and left them on my bed....I can't believe I did that".  This went on for about six to ten different versions of how she forget to bring presents.  It was the saddest thing.  Nothing we could say could get her mind off of it.

But the saddest thing she said to me was her response to a question.  My husband had told me when they came in that she was way off today but couldn't really explain why he said that.  I asked her how she had been doing and if she had heard from anyone (meaning Christmas card in the mail, etc.) and she said, "well I guess this is going to be the first Christmas Mother & Daddy are going to be by themselves" and of course I just nodded and went on.  Her parents have both been deceased for many years.

She had lunch with us but immediately began to get antsy.  She started walking upstairs and when asked where she was going she said to her room.  When my husband took her back to the home she went through the whole, who lives here? where are we going?  I don't live here, etc. She doesn't know where her room is, etc.  Why does this disease do this to someone?  It just doesn't seem fair.