Two of my MIL's favorite things are dogs and cigarettes not sure in what order. For the past nine months that she has been in our home she quit smoking. Thank goodness. Smoking is one habit that would be hard for me to live with.
In the past several months I have compared having my MIL in our home to being a parent. I have always heard people say that the child becomes the parent when the parent ages. Well, that has definitely been the case when dealing with a parent who has alzheimers.
For the past two days since I have been home I have watched my MIL get on the bus to ride to the Senior Citizen Center. I noticed that both days she was taking her purse with her. I thought that was kind of odd because she hasn't taken it for the 7 or 8 months that she has been going. I asked if she meant to take it and she said yes as she clutched it close to her chest! Reminded me of my girls going to school with a toy in their backpack that they weren't supposed to take and just their body language told you they were hiding something. I felt the same way with my MIL---but what was I supposed to do---strip search her!
About 11:30, I heard a knock on the front door and could see through the window that it was my MIL returning from the Center. By the time I got to the door she had headed toward the garage so I ran to the backdoor to open the garage. I walked out on the driveway and she was no where to be found. I called out her name and went back to the front door as I looked on the patio in the backyard---she was no where to be seen. While I was running from door to door the phone rang so I stopped to answer it and then returned to the garage to see if she had appeared. As I opened the door that goes onto the patio, there she was. As the wind blew her in, I had an ah-ha moment. She had been smoking---thus the reason she was carrying that purse and holding onto it for dear life! I asked if she had been smoking and she said she was sitting on the air conditioner (out of any view from our windows) and smoked a cigarette. I felt like the mom who had just busted her teenage daughter for smoking! She even had the same look on her face as a thirteen year old would!
Evidently she has found a friend at the Center that is giving her cigarettes. It cracks me up! My husband on the other hand was not as amused by her "hanging out" with the wrong crowd at the Center--hahaha!!
So, I guess Santa will definitely want to know if she has been naughty or nice. I guess we will see if Santa comes tonight!
Life is good over the hill!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Cookies for My Friends
I work at a university so I am off for the next two weeks. This is good or this is bad depending on who you are! My daughter who is home from college loves it because we can hang out and of course, shop! My MIL, however, may not be as excited about me being home because it interrupts her routine.
Yesterday I was sitting downstairs watching "Good Morning America" in my robe just enjoying the fact that I didn't have to go to work and could sit in my robe all day if I wanted to. My MIL was pacing back and forth on the upstairs landing, reminiscent of a caged animal waiting to pounce, obviously confused as to why I was home! She finally came down and asked me how I was feeling. I told her I wasn't sick just "home for the holidays"! I realized that I was totally disrupting her routine since the only time I am home from work is if I am sick.
In an earlier post, I mentioned her wanting to get gifts for her friends at the center (Senior Citizen Center). My husband, being the great cook that he is, had decided we could make no bake oatmeal cookies for her take. I was sitting in the kitchen with my daughter while she showed me pictures on facebook talking to my husband as he got ready to start making cookies. We had a front row seat to watch my MIL as she tried to help my husband prepare her "gifts".
As is the case every evening when we are preparing meals, she comes in and asks to help. Now, this is the woman who NEVER cooked a meal when my husband was old enough to cook thus the reason he is such a good cook.
Anyway, she came in and asked if she could help in typical fashion. When he told her we were going to make something for her to take to her friends, she got so excited I thought she was going to have a breakdown. She paced around the island that he was working on desperately trying to help. She kept asking if she could wash a pot, throw away an empty container, or stir something. Each time he patiently told her he didn't need her help yet Now, we have two girls who loved to help mom and dad in the kitchen during holiday baking and I remember how much they wanted to stir something, sit on the counter, or lick a beater. She acted just like they did at 4 or 5 when they were helping us in the kitchen. The only difference, my MIL didn't ask to lick the beater. But, she probably wanted to though!
After the cookies cooled my husband told her she could help by putting 8 cookies in each bag. I watched her as she struggled to count to eight and remember how many she had already put in a bag. The cookies were laid on a piece of foil to cool (we ran out of parchment paper) and you could see where the cookies had laid. In the middle of her count she would count the places on the foil to see if she had the right number. With each bag she would ask if she was supposed to be putting eight cookies in the bag. We reassured her that was correct. It is so childlike how she gained confidence just like a small child does when your encouraging words boost their self esteem.
Once all the bags were stuffed she appeared to gloat at what she had accomplished. My husband helped her put all eleven bags into her orange recyclable bag so she could take them the next day. She kept coming in the kitchen afterwards to see where we had put the cookies and each time my husband reminded her where they were. He hung the bag on the front door so she would see them when she left.
As I was enjoying my lazy morning today, my MIL came down the stairs as she does every morning waiting for the Senior Citizen Center bus to come get her. At 9:03 they drove up, gave a honk, and she went running out. My daughter, who had not seen her get on the bus yet, watched from the front door. She said, "Mom, who is Grandy supposed to be giving the cookies to?" I said, "her friends at the center." She said, "Mom, she is passing them out on the bus!" I ran to look out the window and sure enough we could see her passing them out to everyone on the bus and the bus was full. There are usually only about 2-3 other riders but today there were about 7-8. We realized then that she probably didn't remember who she had planned to give them to but all in all it made her feel better thinking she had a gift to give her friends at the Center.
I can't help but think back to the meeting with the counselor when she had her testing done and her response to the question about her goals. Her only goal was to live alone and be able to take care of herself. I am reminded on these occasions that she just wants to be able to do things for herself.
Cookies for the Center........life is good over the hill!
Yesterday I was sitting downstairs watching "Good Morning America" in my robe just enjoying the fact that I didn't have to go to work and could sit in my robe all day if I wanted to. My MIL was pacing back and forth on the upstairs landing, reminiscent of a caged animal waiting to pounce, obviously confused as to why I was home! She finally came down and asked me how I was feeling. I told her I wasn't sick just "home for the holidays"! I realized that I was totally disrupting her routine since the only time I am home from work is if I am sick.
In an earlier post, I mentioned her wanting to get gifts for her friends at the center (Senior Citizen Center). My husband, being the great cook that he is, had decided we could make no bake oatmeal cookies for her take. I was sitting in the kitchen with my daughter while she showed me pictures on facebook talking to my husband as he got ready to start making cookies. We had a front row seat to watch my MIL as she tried to help my husband prepare her "gifts".
As is the case every evening when we are preparing meals, she comes in and asks to help. Now, this is the woman who NEVER cooked a meal when my husband was old enough to cook thus the reason he is such a good cook.
Anyway, she came in and asked if she could help in typical fashion. When he told her we were going to make something for her to take to her friends, she got so excited I thought she was going to have a breakdown. She paced around the island that he was working on desperately trying to help. She kept asking if she could wash a pot, throw away an empty container, or stir something. Each time he patiently told her he didn't need her help yet Now, we have two girls who loved to help mom and dad in the kitchen during holiday baking and I remember how much they wanted to stir something, sit on the counter, or lick a beater. She acted just like they did at 4 or 5 when they were helping us in the kitchen. The only difference, my MIL didn't ask to lick the beater. But, she probably wanted to though!
After the cookies cooled my husband told her she could help by putting 8 cookies in each bag. I watched her as she struggled to count to eight and remember how many she had already put in a bag. The cookies were laid on a piece of foil to cool (we ran out of parchment paper) and you could see where the cookies had laid. In the middle of her count she would count the places on the foil to see if she had the right number. With each bag she would ask if she was supposed to be putting eight cookies in the bag. We reassured her that was correct. It is so childlike how she gained confidence just like a small child does when your encouraging words boost their self esteem.
Once all the bags were stuffed she appeared to gloat at what she had accomplished. My husband helped her put all eleven bags into her orange recyclable bag so she could take them the next day. She kept coming in the kitchen afterwards to see where we had put the cookies and each time my husband reminded her where they were. He hung the bag on the front door so she would see them when she left.
As I was enjoying my lazy morning today, my MIL came down the stairs as she does every morning waiting for the Senior Citizen Center bus to come get her. At 9:03 they drove up, gave a honk, and she went running out. My daughter, who had not seen her get on the bus yet, watched from the front door. She said, "Mom, who is Grandy supposed to be giving the cookies to?" I said, "her friends at the center." She said, "Mom, she is passing them out on the bus!" I ran to look out the window and sure enough we could see her passing them out to everyone on the bus and the bus was full. There are usually only about 2-3 other riders but today there were about 7-8. We realized then that she probably didn't remember who she had planned to give them to but all in all it made her feel better thinking she had a gift to give her friends at the Center.
I can't help but think back to the meeting with the counselor when she had her testing done and her response to the question about her goals. Her only goal was to live alone and be able to take care of herself. I am reminded on these occasions that she just wants to be able to do things for herself.
Cookies for the Center........life is good over the hill!
Monday, December 20, 2010
12 Days of Christmas
As I have mentioned in previous posts, Christmas is a favorite time of the year for my MIL. She always went overboard on doing for others which every one always appreciated. Now, Christmas is a time that she feels helpless and a reminder that she can't "do Christmas" like she used to.
The other day we were making candy and preparing bags for the people at my office. My MIL came in the room and asked me what day it was, I told her; then she asked what the date was, I told her. She said, "so I have twelve days until Christmas." I said,"yes, why do you ask." She said, "well, I have to get some gifts for my friends at the center." I thought this was probably something she was worrying about so I said, "oh, you probably don't need to worry about that" (thinking first, there were probably 100 people that go there daily, and secondly, that no one expected to get gifts for each other). She said, "well, they have gotten me gifts" and I said, "oh, what have they given you?" She said, "well, I don't remember for sure but I think I ate it all!"
I loved it! So, I told her we would take care of it. We would make candy bags for her friends at the center so she could take it to them. Two minutes earlier I told my husband how nice it was not to have to buy our daughters friends gifts. I spoke too soon----instead we will be buying gifts (or making gifts) for my MIL's friends! Heelarious!!
Twelve days to Christmas and everyday we work hard to make it a "normal" Christmas for her! It is what it is! Life is good over the hill!
The other day we were making candy and preparing bags for the people at my office. My MIL came in the room and asked me what day it was, I told her; then she asked what the date was, I told her. She said, "so I have twelve days until Christmas." I said,"yes, why do you ask." She said, "well, I have to get some gifts for my friends at the center." I thought this was probably something she was worrying about so I said, "oh, you probably don't need to worry about that" (thinking first, there were probably 100 people that go there daily, and secondly, that no one expected to get gifts for each other). She said, "well, they have gotten me gifts" and I said, "oh, what have they given you?" She said, "well, I don't remember for sure but I think I ate it all!"
I loved it! So, I told her we would take care of it. We would make candy bags for her friends at the center so she could take it to them. Two minutes earlier I told my husband how nice it was not to have to buy our daughters friends gifts. I spoke too soon----instead we will be buying gifts (or making gifts) for my MIL's friends! Heelarious!!
Twelve days to Christmas and everyday we work hard to make it a "normal" Christmas for her! It is what it is! Life is good over the hill!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Christmas Cards
Today the mailman came and brought a Christmas card for my MIL. Getting mail can be another trigger to her past that can be a difficult challenge for her to process "connections" and "locations".
This particular card came from a couple who she knew in Houston but they had moved to New York several years ago. When I asked my MIL who the card was from she told me it was from someone she had gone to college with. But I could tell by the way she was fidgeting with the envelope that she wasn't sure. She was peeling the stamp up and saying something about you couldn't even tell where it came from. I looked at the envelope and sure enough the stamp had been postmarked but you could only see TX on it.
She was very frustrated that the card did not have a return address and the couple had signed it with first names and no last names. I recognized the first names and told her who I thought it was from. But she seemed to get more irritated that they didn't sign their last name or put their return address on the envelope. I could tell this was going to be one of those instances where the thoughtful act of sending her a Christmas Card was going to create a moment of frustration. She could not place who these people were, how she knew them, or where she knew them from.
After pacing back in forth from her room to the kitchen, she finally retreated to her room upstairs to read. It appears frustration over the lack of her ability to remember little things is beginning to be a daily occurrence. The neurologist told us in May that she would decline three times as fast in the next six months as she had in the previous year. Until December we really had not seen signs of significant decline until now.
It makes me wonder what the new year will hold!
Life is good .....over the hill!
This particular card came from a couple who she knew in Houston but they had moved to New York several years ago. When I asked my MIL who the card was from she told me it was from someone she had gone to college with. But I could tell by the way she was fidgeting with the envelope that she wasn't sure. She was peeling the stamp up and saying something about you couldn't even tell where it came from. I looked at the envelope and sure enough the stamp had been postmarked but you could only see TX on it.
She was very frustrated that the card did not have a return address and the couple had signed it with first names and no last names. I recognized the first names and told her who I thought it was from. But she seemed to get more irritated that they didn't sign their last name or put their return address on the envelope. I could tell this was going to be one of those instances where the thoughtful act of sending her a Christmas Card was going to create a moment of frustration. She could not place who these people were, how she knew them, or where she knew them from.
After pacing back in forth from her room to the kitchen, she finally retreated to her room upstairs to read. It appears frustration over the lack of her ability to remember little things is beginning to be a daily occurrence. The neurologist told us in May that she would decline three times as fast in the next six months as she had in the previous year. Until December we really had not seen signs of significant decline until now.
It makes me wonder what the new year will hold!
Life is good .....over the hill!
The Tree is Family
Day 285: The last few weeks have been difficult for my MIL as we decorate for Christmas. Christmas has always been her favorite time of the year. She would decorate her home, hang Christmas lights outside, and have my father-in-law build a Christmas scene for the yard. She was notorious for shopping up until Christmas Eve and wrapping presents literally as we were sitting downstairs by the tree waiting to unwrap them! She would search high and low to find the right presents and make Christmas special for everyone. When my husband's dad was alive he was always being assigned a building project to personalize the gift that much more. One Christmas he made Mickey Mouse wooden chairs for our girls---we still have them and will someday use them with our grandchildren. The girls loved them---they would sit and rock in them reading their favorite books for hours.
As we put up our tree my MIL sat and just stared at the tree while my husband wrapped each branch with lights. This is something he learned from his mom. I watched her and could tell that she was remembering how she used to decorate the tree and how important it was to her to have every branch wrapped with the most lights possible. She prided herself on the number of strands of lights that it took to properly light up her tree. Thus the question she asked my husband as she sat and watched him, she asked, "how many strands of lights do you put on your tree?" I got it but I'm not sure my husband made the connection. I know it was one more reminder of something she used to enjoy doing at a very special time of the year.
So, as we continue to build memories and traditions with our children we will try to be sensitive to how important this time of the year is to her. We have her a stocking hung with the rest of our family and will fill it with some special items that just she will enjoy----lottery tickets, notepads, and lipstick. These are just a few of her "favorite things"!
Life is good----over the hill.
As we put up our tree my MIL sat and just stared at the tree while my husband wrapped each branch with lights. This is something he learned from his mom. I watched her and could tell that she was remembering how she used to decorate the tree and how important it was to her to have every branch wrapped with the most lights possible. She prided herself on the number of strands of lights that it took to properly light up her tree. Thus the question she asked my husband as she sat and watched him, she asked, "how many strands of lights do you put on your tree?" I got it but I'm not sure my husband made the connection. I know it was one more reminder of something she used to enjoy doing at a very special time of the year.
So, as we continue to build memories and traditions with our children we will try to be sensitive to how important this time of the year is to her. We have her a stocking hung with the rest of our family and will fill it with some special items that just she will enjoy----lottery tickets, notepads, and lipstick. These are just a few of her "favorite things"!
Life is good----over the hill.
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